Usually vacations are happy times but this time it's different. Mostly because its Mason's vacation time and I'm not going with him.
I've had a while to prepare for the emotion that comes along with having Mason away from me for more than the usual week (which is hard enough) and nothing really makes me feel better. It would be different if Mason was staying in the city, or even the Country (such as a trip to Alberta) but this time he will be taking a huge road trip to Arizona. He will be gone 2 weeks. 14 long days.
Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for the bonding time he will have with his Dad, the sights he will see and for the family time he will have with his Grandparents and other relatives along the way.
And it's not like I do not get two weeks with him, when he comes back.
It's all about the fact that I am terrified he won't come back. I have no control over what happens in our daily lives and I think all parents have a certain paranoia about losing their children. Because it's such a long car ride, I fear there will be a car accident or he will go missing. I fear the unknown. I worry because he's not in my sight and there will be a lack of regular communication.
Mason is in my house right now yet I am filled with sadness. I won't rest until he's back home.
Two weeks with children go so fast but 14 days without my only child is heartbreaking to think of. Tears are streaming down my face as I type this. It's one of the hard things to accept with being a solo parent. Everything separate...time away from my baby.
March 13th cannot come fast enough and I just hope I can keep myself busy.