I carried Mason in my belly for 10 months, everywhere I went, he went. His strong kicks resulted in constant ‘ufffs’ from me. Then he was born and still, everywhere I went, he went. I couldn’t imagine being away from him for more than a few days. At one time his Dad and I went on vacation but we were miserable being away from Mason. Then, we were just plain miserable together and our relationship ended. It started with a schedule of two days with Mason, two off three on. It was hard, it was a lot of back and forth.
Now it is seven on and seven off. Seven long days and nights. I picked Mason up from school today and had to hold back tears. He seemed older, his sentences longer and my heart aches for the time I missed with him. I was notified via email that he reached a milestone (potty training). While I appreciate the involvement, it hurts to not be there; to not witness these advances in my child’s life first hand and celebrate as a family.
While walking back home from school with Mason, I couldn’t help but shed a few tears. Tears that I was happy he was back in my care but also tears that I’ve got to experience these emotions until he’s old enough to determine who he wants to live with and then him eventually leaving a parental nest to go off on his own. It seems far away but I know that day will be here in the blink of an eye.
I cry as I write this. It’s pure sadness for me. While we walk, Mason constantly says, “Mommy?” It’s like he’s confirming I’m still there. I smother him with kisses and hugs and spend the next few hours cuddling and playing to try to make up for 7 lost days. 7 days I didn’t get to be a part of.
I can think of other parent’s experiences; the ones who live with their kid’s full time and the ones that don’t get to spend any time with their children. I can’t imagine how it would be. I just know what I am going through and it’s tough. I’m not seeking pity, I just think we all take for granted the ones around us and this might be a reminder to hold your loved ones close and to cherish the time you do have together.