I really enjoy conversation.
I love when others question my words and my thoughts which in turn has me sitting there re-thinking about what I just said and changes my perception based on their words. I think this is called learning. And it can’t happen unless I share. Keeping everything to myself wouldn’t allow others to hear what I believe and disagree with me (if that is the case). I don’t take offense, I welcome it. If I really don’t agree with them and feel that they are in the wrong, then I’ll prove my case. Yes, I fight like a lawyer. Many points. Sometimes I win, sometimes I do not but always learning.
Luckily (and I think it’s been a while), I was put into this situation yesterday. I decided that I was going to scrap my healthy eating for dinner time. That meant fast food and included meat. I am on an emotional roller coaster and just wanted to eat some comfort food.
So while at DQ, waiting in line for my very over priced (and upgraded) ‘dinner’ I glanced around the restaurant. Almost all the tables were full. There were people sitting alone reading the newspaper and a few families. One family caught my eye. A woman sitting with a daughter around 4 years old and the table across from them with 2-3 young boys. As a Mom I tend to pay more attention to families and find myself smiling at kids more often than not.
While I was gawking in their direction, I noticed something odd. A baby bottle was sitting in front of the little girl. I looked around for a baby, found none. I then realized that it was for the little girl. Wow. My immediate thought was, “why on earth was she not drinking from a cup or a sippie cup”?. My next thought was, “Is this a bit odd?”. As they were leaving, the mother grabbed a binky and stuck it in the kids mouth. Double Wow. So I went to the world of the interwebs and decided to post it on Facebook. Usually I save these random questions for twitter but I chose FB.
Here is the post (identities removed for their privacy):
I had a few people agree with me and a few that didn’t. All comments were made by parents with the
exception of #5 who could be considered a kid themselves.
I expected the standard responses and perhaps a few that lead to some post about why toddlers (not preschoolers) should advance to sippie cups. But comment #3 knew something I didn’t and comment #7 laid it out.
Some kids with developmental delays ‘look’ perfectly normal.
And then the light went on. That is something I failed to consider. Developmental delays is a topic I know little on. I get educated when my friends share stories about their children who have a delay and may write a post about a certain experience and I appreciate the knowledge. It opens my mind to things I may not be aware of.
And as soon as I read that, I felt weird. I was being judged for judging. My initial comment was posed as more of a question as that’s what it was intended to be. My second comment was a statement, my observation resulted in me assuming that the mother chose to continue to let her child drink from a baby bottle and suck from a soother for no real reason other than not wanting the child to grow up. I regret writing the second comment.
I explained in the post thread that by asking this question (and even putting it out there) that I was opening myself up to comments and my intention was to learn, not to judge (I did both). I don't regret writing the post. I did learn and next time that I make an observation, I won’t be so quick to assume a reason to why anyone does what they do.
I went to bed last night not really thinking about this whole thing but I woke up thinking about it a lot. These questions ran through my mind:
- Why do I care why that Mother gives her child a bottle and a soother at what is perceived to be ‘too old’ of an age?
- What if that child was not developmentally delayed and the Mother chose not to upgrade to a sippy cup and get rid of the binky. What would have the comments been then? (and try to convince me you wouldn’t judge…)
- Why do people judge in the first place? Is it about conformity?
- Where else do we judge people? http://peopleofwalmart.tumblr.com/
- Does more harm come from good when we judge?
- What kind of world would we live in if everyone was just accepted for who they are and what they do (even if it was perceived wrong)
So here is where I am coming from. I was told that if a child is developmentally delayed this may be the reason for the bottle and binky. What if that ‘child’ was actually 10 years old and had a bottle and a binky? What if it was an adult man who was mentally at a toddler age. Would it still be okay for him to have a bottle and a binky?
I’m sure the answer is no. And why not? What is the difference between a person questioning it at 4 and 40? One is excessive and the other incredibly excessive? Where is the line crossed?
In my opinion, there is a perceived ‘limit’ to certain behaviour in everyone. It’s how we were raised, what we experienced and how we developed our own sense of ‘what is right/what is wrong’. It doesn’t always mesh with society and it’s not always right but it is what it is.
This post is so controversial because it can be viewed in so many different ways and it’s hard to wrap my head around just what point I am trying to put out there. I guess what I’m trying to say is:
Don’t assume you know why people do and say the things they do AND Don’t fault people for asking why.
I am not afraid to ask the difficult questions and I try to do so with respect. I try not to make assumptions and often seek the opinions of others to help me see different perspectives.
Sometimes we learn and sometimes we eat our words.